Leeway

Ang Ladlad

Mon, 16 Nov 2009 11:45:10 GMT

They've been rejected for accreditation too many times before. I believe all the past COMELEC Commissioners who brought the great injustice of discriminating against the most colorful fraction of the Philippine population have all met their due karma.

Now all I can say is,

VOTE DANTON REMOTO FOR SENATOR!!!

Also, check out his blog. http://dantonremoto2010.blogspot.com/

Google my name

Tue, 03 Feb 2009 23:57:33 GMT

Prior to February 3, 2009, 1330 hours GMT +8, if you googled "Rowena Yang" the list will include pages of OTHER people named Rowena Yang (I think one lives in Singapore) but nothing about me.

*SIGH*

Sabi ko nga

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 14:49:12 GMT

You Should Date An Australian!

You're a down to earth, outdoorsy kind of girl

And you need a guy who can keep up with your adventures

A rugged Australian guy is just your style

Better start learning how to surf!

Which Foreign Guy Should You Date?

Dehydration, fake dengue and finals

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 15:18:14 GMT

I'm completely sure that I have been able to erase every bit of chance I had at graduating with honorable mention after this semester. And it's not because of my majors. Oh the burden of having Philo and Theo courses. Why?!

Approximately one week before my finals, I caught some sort of bug that made me suffer through intermittent fever and stomach pain that hindered me from eating or drinking anything. My mom thought it was dengue, so she brought me to the hospital when my platelet count dropped below normal. By that time though, I was already dehydrated. ^_^ Hurrah.

Thank God I didn't have too many requirements during that week. And I was able to get better right before my final oral exams in Philosophy... which I'm pretty sure I flunked. And I took my Spanish 3 oral exams right before dehydration. But I still had that awful fever so I'm pretty sure I flunked that one, too.

I have mixed emotions. The thought of not graduating with any sort of honors makes me feel as if I'd lose my identity. On the other hand, it would be liberating to enter my last semester of college without any pressure to make up for grades. But then again, who is Wenky without honors?

It's been that long?

Mon, 19 Nov 2007 18:04:47 GMT

LJ has been proposing that I've had writer's block since the beginning of this year. The last time I updated this thing was eons before today. And I wonder if all through this time, some of you, my loyal ~~minions~~ readers were checking this blog every so often. If you did, what did I do to keep you interested in an obviously neglected, nay, abandoned blog? Oh yes, my all encompassing charm have captured your minds so that surfing your preferred realm of the net would be incomplete without a glimpse at my page. *bows to audience*

That was fun. :D

The past few sems, I've been complaining about not having English classes and that my writing skills, however crude they may be, have been worsening in the process. This time around, I've nothing to whine about because I'm taking 3rd World Lit with Sir Danton. :D Yes, hours of anecdotes and insightful bottomlines are back. I can't believe at how relieved I am to have a break from insanely boring business management classes. Don't get me wrong, business management may very well be tasking and not at all a breeze but we're talking about lectures here, not practice. Gah. Propositions from all corners of the corporate world would fry one's brain. It defies the whole process of learning! Well, from my Theo prof's perspective at least.

But there is a downside to my lit class this sem. We're too many in the class. 38 to be exact. And the prof is not too keen on wasting a whole week's worth of classes on deconstructing everyone of those 38 people's thoughts about the literature. Oh, lit class will never be the same again. Well, at least I have something to look forward to. ^_^

On a completely unrelated note, 1) if you don't have a facebook account, I urge you to make one and 2) you should check out the Travel IQ Challenge application by TravelPod. I'm totally hooked.

Missed Me?

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 12:07:47 GMT

After one year without English classes, I haven't done any writing at all apart from mundane (required) papers. My English has turned rusty and let's not talk about my Tagalog.

So, what transpired through the several months that I didn't update my LJ? And what prompted me to break my silence? Just read on for the answers.

Some of you know that since I started college, my life has been depressing. Consequently, I gained around 30 pounds and lost trust and confidence in my self. I'm not quite sure but I think recent events have sort of cleared up a lot of issues and they probably can turn things around for me. ^_^

1. My mom, who was diagnosed with leukemia, is all well and healthy now. She's completely cancer-free! *throws a party* But she's getting laid off come March. Hence, she's going to establish her own service with her co-workers who either got laid off or resigned voluntarily. Apparently, their company recently acquired bad judgement. Hehe. After 25 years of service in that company, my 57-year-old-cancer-surviving mom is going to find other ways to pay for my Ateneo tuition and for my probable law school entry. XD Yay Mom!

2. When I shifted to Legal Management, I thought life would be much easier. As it turns out, life is easier in LM than in ME. But it doesn't follow that it would be easy on me. LoL. After all that trouble re-acquiring connections and potential friendships, I'm exhausted. I did manage to get into the Dean's List last semester. But I think my grades this sem will be much worse. Hehe. So, life is pretty much the same academically. I still suck. *bow* I did learn fundamental Yoga poses, though. :D And I think I aced the midterm exam.

3. Because I did gain some 30 unwanted pounds, I enrolled myself in the gym. I have a personal trainer who costs way too much. But I'm going to take the easy way out and pay another PhP 4,800 for his services so I wouldn't have to think of weight training routines. I'll probably stop going to the gym anyway if there wasn't anybody expecting me there because I'm lazy that way. Haha. So far, no progress has been made because I'm struggling with the diet. Damn the food industry, the manufacturers! They make their products too difficult to resist. I think I need my high school friends to influence me into turning on my anorexic mode. I used to have no problem getting into self-destructive diets. Why can't I stick to healthy ones? x_X

4. Pathways to Higher Education. After one year of (required) volunteer work, I've gained so many friends and one life changing experience. I taught self-awareness to sophomore hs students and social awareness to junior hs students. Last week, we had the last teaching session with the Pathways kids. My sophomore class got together in Riverbanks Mall before the session, got their picture taken as a group and gave it to us facilitators as a gift. But the greater gift they gave me was validation. Although I think I spoke nonsense to them, they actually learned from me. And it feels good. Hehe. I signed my self up for a year of volunteer work, not required this time. ^_^

There you go. I could've done a better job at narrating. o_x I need English classes. ;_; Very badly.

Talking to myself mostly.

Thu, 27 Jul 2006 14:05:28 GMT

It's difficult to bring yourself to be truly happy. Of course, it's almost always easy to post a smile across your face or squeeze a laugh or two out of your gut, but genuine joy is just what the adjective said: not friggin synthetic. Masking disappointment and utter despair is easy when you're emotionally constipated. However, this only brings you to the reality that happiness then would be twice as difficult to find... or recognize.

So yeah, I've been depressed. Too depressed to talk, write, or even think about it. And it isn't like you can just snap out of it, especially when you think you've ruined your whole life because of certain disappointing turn outs. But hey, I still have to live. Though it may not be the life I set out to live, I still have to live... right? Yeah, I do. Whatever, right?

Whatever comes my way... I'll conquer it, or not... whatever.

It's good to know that you can make other people happy. I hope you enjoyed the party friend!

Last post: 3 friggin weeks ago

Sun, 14 May 2006 15:05:58 GMT

I haven't been that busy. I've just been lazy. It's difficult to have a whole lot of stuff happening but not having the will to write every bit of it down.

Anyway, went to a far-away-from-civilization place called Tanay with my high school barkada. We had fun. Yeah... we had fun bombarding two of our friends with immensely intrusive questions which they did not object to because of alcohol in their blood streams. I did not drink though. I slept through their drinking session. In fact, I was the only one who slept. ^_^ Happy Birthday Pepot.

As of now, a rogue grasshopper has been able to invade my computer table. It's terrorizing me. And it's friggin sitting on my pen!

On to other things, I've been enjoying my summer. Unlike my boring summers of old, I'm taking classes at school this time. Aside from actually having something to do, I am also saving loads of cash through my allowance... but losing it all to Friday sessions at Starbucks.

Which leads me to another story. ^_^ Yes, the Friday Ritual - Starbucks with the Twins. The twins aren't biological twins by the way. Initially, the twins had another twin (they call themselves that)... who has grown apart due to certain conflicts in schedule and whatnot. Anyhow, I have sort of "filled in" for her at the moment. I'm not turning out to be a third wheel or anything. I'm actually fitting right in. XD

On the first day of what will become the dawn of a new era, the three of us drank coffee and talked about every juicy gossip there is in our college from 4:30 to 7:30. The ending was brought upon by one of the twin's dad calling up, infuriated, asking his daughter to go home immediately. After that Friday, we've never seen her after the good hour of 5pm.

We've basically been doing that same thing for quite some weeks now. ^_^ Fridays will never ever be the same again.

Note: Jevic, I even brought a yellow balloon with a birthday note inside it... all for you... all the way to that faraway place where passenger jeepneys are practically unheard of. *sniff*

Retraction

Wed, 19 Apr 2006 21:54:31 GMT

Mum suddenly wanted me to add subjects to my summer class sched. x_x Now I have to do some serious paperwork. BAAAAAAAD. Yun lang. :D

Tue, 18 Apr 2006 10:27:37 GMT

It's official. I am shifting to Legal Management. I'm also hoping to major in European Studies. I guess I'm on my way to becoming one helluva diplomat. And no, I will not marry an expat. I probably won't marry at all anyway. Bad genes aren't meant to be spread.

Although my grades are better after the 2nd sem, I am still not in the Dean's List. And although I can take advanced classes this summer, my mother refused to pay for my summer sem plans. *shrug*

The world is not turning against me. The earth-to-human size ratio is too far apart for the earth to turn against my body. (At this point, most of you are wondering about the lucidity of my mental faculties. Read the sentence again.) :p

I got A's and B+'s for all subjects except Calculus. I wasn't made for Management Engineering. And it wasn't long before the Program Director discovered it. *sigh* Thus, I have been forced to shift out of the said course. I'm not bothered by it, though. At least at this point in my life I actually know what I want to do. I now want to be a kick ass diplomat. HaHaHa! I'll write up screwy treaties that will eventually lead to senseless warfare. *bow* I'd rather do that than sit in a desk for hours worrying about company finances, or management, or whatever it is that ME majors end up doing. But I'd also rather fly planes than spark up international conflict. Will Ateneo put up an aviation school any time soon? ^_^

I can freely transfer to UP now. My QPI meets the grade requirement. But will I transfer to UP? That question may never be answered.

I forgot how self-gratifying senseless ramblings can be. I would gladly accept statements of the same nature for comments. Heck, I'll be happy with any kind of comment. I'm KSP that way. XD

The summer that wasn't

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 12:22:26 GMT

Sarj wants me to update for unknown reasons. She's probably bored, too. Or maybe, just maybe, she's actually interested in another human being's insignificant existence. *nods* Oh! Sarj, you've gone such a long way. From being a person whom some people fear to a person whom some people fear and who cares to know about someone else's life. Hee.

I've been MIA since the end of the school year. Let's see, my "summer break" started March 25 and it is now April 6. Hmmm... I sort of f*cked up the computer so I couldn't use it until now. Moreover, from the 25th to the 30th I was at the hospital looking after my mom. She's been diagnosed with acute leukemia but is not dying. Well, she is because everybody else is anyway... but not because of the disease.

I'm also currently clueless about summer class registration. I know I have to shift (they're kicking me out) but I still haven't acquired the stupid advisement slip from the Management Dept. because I don't want to. :D I didn't plan on shifting to any course so I have absolutely no idea on what I'll be doing. I don't have a messenger or a mobile so people can't help me out because they don't know that I need help. O_O Ok. I NEED HELP!!! If any of my beloved blockmates happens to stumble upon this cry for help, please call me on my landline, it's listed in the directory I posted in our yahoogroup.

*sigh* I need to lose weight. Sarj, let's be gym buddies for the summer. :D

Feature Article

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 00:53:55 GMT

My English Professor said it's very good. But I beg to disagree. Haha! It's a first draft. I crammed in the morning of teh deadline. It's only three pages anyway. Hee... I crammed eight pages for the Filipino book report. And I got a perfect score!!! Woohoo! XD So I'm getting an A for Filipino. But unlike last sem, I got the lowest numerical equivalent among the A students. :P A pa rin!

Escalating Shoe Size

Before college, in one faithful day of every June, my journey to the mall would begin in search of the perfect black school shoes that would show off my fashion statement of the year; only to end with the purchase of bulky one-inch-bigger shoes whose style was never short of boyish. My frugal mother always saw to it that my rapidly growing feet would not require a second pair of school shoes until the former was so badly battered that only garbage incinerators would dare accept its remains. As a result, I went from scouring the children’s section at age 5, to combing the ladies’ section at age 8, to hesitantly searching in men’s shoes at age 12. I was cursed with two big left feet that had no hope for salvation! And as fate would have it, my subsequent journeys to the mall would not be in search of black school shoes any longer.

As if to challenge my sanity, the quest for comfortable, economical, but trendy women’s shoes had to start just when I was getting contented with oversized men’s sneakers. The same frugal mother would rather slave over pair upon pair of one-size-too-small shoes than pay for piles of men’s rubber shoes, which I initially planned to subsist on. Long hours of searching for the non-existent brought us to the Riverbanks Mall entrance. And I remember laughing at myself, for although I had lived in Marikina for ten years, it was actually the first time I ever laid eyes on the place. Surprisingly, it took only forty-five minutes to find and buy the first girly shoes I’ve had in years. Newsflash, I could walk in the said shoes! We would’ve saved time, energy, and my mother’s money if we hadn’t neglected the fact that Marikina is the shoe capital of the Philippines and that its people actually hold the record for making the biggest pair of shoes in the world.

The city has gone a long way since I last lived there. In 2004, the World Health Organization (WHO) honored Marikina’s projects concerning the environment, its disaster management, and its proposed citizen diet improvement. Five awards were handed out in the WHO awarding ceremony, and three went to Marikina. In 2001, the World Bank-Global Environment Facility (WB-GEF) funded the construction of some 570 meters of the city’s bicycle lane as recognition of its efforts to reduce air pollution and its promotion of bicycle usage among the city’s citizens. Marikina has even jumpstarted its “Bike to School” program by purchasing 200 bicycles for public-school children.

Over the years, the city has garnered over 60 awards and citations from all over the globe for its tremendous transformation facilitated by its local government. Marikina has become one of the most progressive cities in the country with its eight billion-peso contribution to the nation’s revenue. Moreover, the city’s “Save the Marikina River Program” in 1995 paved the way for the now existing riverbank recreational park.

Yet, I can still remember the night when our household help came home crying and disconcerted. I was barely four years old but I understood what had happened. It was the typical rape story: she walked home that night; someone followed her and attempted to rape her in a dark alley. But she managed to escape by some miracle of God.

Others weren’t as lucky as she had been that night. In fact, I grew up hearing reports of rape and salvaging in Marikina. Flashes of blurred, mutilated women’s bodies still haunt my memory every time I think about the city in the early 90’s. Of course, back then it was still a municipality and its famous title wasn’t shoe capital but rape capital of the Philippines.

Its shoe industry was then dying. My godfather, who runs and lives in a shoe factory down the street, would hide from his godchildren every Christmas season. His growing debt, fueled by the significant decrease in revenue, almost bankrupted him and his business. Lay-offs had to be done, which was happening in virtually every shoe factory in the city.

But the resuscitation done by Bayani Fernando from 1992-2001 gave rise to a renewed shoe industry that still continues to expand today. My godfather’s factory is now a part of the tourist route that the local government organized. Unfortunately, he still hides from his godchildren come Christmas season.

The local government’s effort to incorporate the city’s history and its modern culture in Marikeños’ lives is evident. The construction of Teatro Marikina and public parks such as Liwasang Kalayaan, which is reminiscent of rural Marikina, proves the local government’s dedication to showcase the different phases that the city has gone through.

Marikina City’s goal of replicating Singapore is slowly becoming a reality. The city’s local government has transformed it from one of Metro Manila’s filthiest municipalities to the country’s model city. Because of this, I take pride in being a Marikeño. And I hope that the national government would do this, too, for the nation’s people. At present, I enjoy watching my hometown’s progress. I am grateful for the changes that have occurred in the city over the past decade. And I am especially grateful for Marikina’s shoe industry, which not only gave the world its biggest pair of shoes but also granted satisfaction to disgruntled consumers who have enormous feet.

Sat, 04 Mar 2006 03:21:47 GMT

You Are 56% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.
Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.
But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.
You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

How Open Minded Are You?

Oedipus Complex, anyone?

Wed, 22 Feb 2006 11:20:10 GMT

The Salmon's Journey

From his freshwater nest, he rides
Out into the ocean
Only to come back
Up the same river.

Against the stream's flow,
And up the falls' ledge
Scraping skin, bending fins,
Sliding back to the ocean.

He comes. Oh, he comes!
With his mighty tail,
Jumping upright,
Swimming posthaste,
As the current pushes, pulls,
And throws him about the waves.

Up and down,
up and down,
and Up again!
He powers through
And stretches out to sire fry
That will
Ride out into the ocean
and come back
Up the same river.

A Whole New World to Discover

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 01:07:43 GMT

Skirts.

I've never had to buy them, never had to wear them, never had to care about them until now. u_u My peers know how to inflict pain unto suffering fellows. My blockmate, Jackie, wants all her female guests to wear skirts tonight at her dinner party. Although the event only requires smart casual attire, you can't dare refuse to follow the celebrant's wishes. Moreover, my high school friend, Rai, also wants her guests to wear skirts on her party, which is next week. x_x Semi-formal. If I can't find the time to buy a top and a skirt, I might just wear the same thing. -_-" I'm sorry Rai, but my Math long test is on the 28th. I might not even get to join the kada in the overnight swimming.

*sigh* Things I do for people and the society. But I will be a diplomat. muhahahaha!

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 10:27:10 GMT

I actually have no will to update. x_x It has been happening a lot.

This afternoon, I found out that I actually got a B+ for my autobiography. The Great Princess D probably just copied off last semester's grades for the midterm evaluation. It even seems like he has started to check the class' autobiographies only recently since only a handful of us have received the marked papers. ^_^ Yay procrastination!

Anyway, I must bid you farewell now.

It's the only decent thing I've written in a while. It is my first attempt at writing an autobiography and is the closest I can get to creative writing (non-fiction pa!). n_n'

Title: Lost (because I couldn't think of anything better)

Nearing five feet and one hundred pounds, I was this shy quiet girl who never let Mama out of her sight. Many times she had asked me what I would do if I got lost in the numerous turns and forks of the mall or within the towering shelves of the supermarket. With an air of artificial superiority, I always answered: Pupunta ko sa guard sa may entrance, tapos sasabihin ko nawawala ka. Although I never strayed far from where Mama was, I frequently thought of being lost, searching for her familiar hand, her tall figure, permed hair and imposing stance; I pictured the long hollowed aisles and felt the tension that one feels when every plan that has been known to work in the past miserably fails: desperation. In my childish foolishness and sensibility, although I knew that Mama would always hold out her hand, searching for mine as we walked towards the next item on her shopping list, the thought frightened me each time the same sensation began to terrorize my innocent head.

By the age of ten, I was standing five feet and three inches tall. I had outgrown my sister by a few centimeters although she was born almost five years ahead; all to her advantage I later learned. Before she went to college, sibling rivalry was well-known and ever-present in our household. Mornings never went by without either of us slamming a door hard enough to unhinge it from the frame. By the hand of God, we came to our senses and stopped cold turkey from attacking each other’s self-esteem one faithful day.

She has myopic eyes that become small, black lines when she laughs. We’re a quarter Chinese but she appears to be of Korean descent. However, she did inherit that Chinese youthful look that is bound to make one look eternally eighteen or younger. Once, we were introduced to distant relatives and they thought she was the thirteen-year-old and I the eighteen-year-old. After that shameful incident, she began to refer to me as her big sister. She would tease me every so often, but I could never bring myself to be angry with her. Persistent as she is, she never faltered to nurse me when I was feverish and she always held my hand when we would cross the street even though I was fifteen years old and inches taller than her. But I never knew how much she cared for me until I was confined in the hospital for surgery.

I was scheduled for a thyroidectomy the weekend before my last high school Christmas party, which I was inevitably going to miss. I was told that I could possibly have papillary cancer and the surgery had to be done no later than the given date. Mama had arranged everything with the hospital. She was to be with me through the whole ordeal, present to assuage my fears and comfort me in my pain. But before December came, my father, whose congenital heart disease had worsened through the years, also fell ill and had to be operated on before I did. Matters of the heart are complicated, in the literal sense, and it took four weeks of hospitalization before they could operate on him.

It was only my sister who was there when I was in unimaginable pain. Although I knew exactly where I was, I couldn’t help myself from feeling considerably lost. Unable to cope with the circumstances, I would dream that my mother’s hand had been held out for me to hold on to, only to wake up disconcerted in the bleak hospital room with my sister deep in sleep on the smaller bed next to mine.

Mama knew that I would never get lost because I had told her over and over what I would have to do in case I couldn’t find her. But I did not anticipate the day when desperation would overcome my entirety.

In the course of one’s life, the opportunity for growth comes in many forms. Recognizing that time has come to sever the emotional umbilical cord takes courage. Hesitation creates a paralyzing cycle of worthless contemplation. I have been wandering the streets of life without a specific goal in mind. For the most part, I have been wrestling with my thoughts ceaselessly. Finally realizing that the cycle must be broken, I seek to emancipate myself from the expectation of mother’s hand to vanquish my fears and fight my battles.

We spent three days in the hospital and then went on to celebrate Christmas with neither mother nor father. However, New Year’s did go on as usual.

Although I always appeared to be older than my sister, her maturity shines through when we’re together. I’ve never felt the need to call out to our mother since the surgery. I found that although my sister may not be holding my hand every step of the way, she sure doesn’t let go when oncoming traffic charges.

Because Hershey is asking for an update

Mon, 23 Jan 2006 10:29:55 GMT

My English professor told us that he will be teaching part-time in the university starting next school year. As a result, his digressions have been kept to a relative minimum, his sheer evilness has been mellowed out, and the marks he has been giving appear to be more generous than the previous semester's. It is only now that I begin to acquire marks higher than that contemptible C+ for my papers. My haiku got a B+. ^_^ I bet it's because of the pretty trees I drew. But my auto-biography only got a B. *sigh* I wasn't born creative.

I have my advisory marks with me. Heh. I say go to hell evil letters. muhahahahahaha!

Sana May Bukas

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 11:03:42 GMT

Ano ba ang bukas? Isang salitang punung-puno ng wala. Isang salitang nag-uumapaw sa hangin. Isang salita, at isang salita lamang.

Sabi ng kahapon sa akin, maganda raw ang bukas.
Maaliwalas daw ang langit, luntian ang kapaligiran, at malinis ang tubig bukas.
Bawat pinto ay nakabukas at nag-aalay ng pag-asa ng pag-unlad.

Ngunit hindi na dumating ang araw ng bukas.

Ngayon at ngayon lang ang mayroon tayo:
ang ngayon na hindi na nagbago;
ang ngayon kung saan lahat ng pinto ay nakapinid,
walang para sa iyo.

Ano nga ba ang bukas?
Nakita mo na ba iyon?
Tila gawa-gawa lang ng aking imahinasyon.
Sabihin mo sa akin kung may bukas nga.
Sapagkat ngayon
at ngayon lang ang mayroon ako.

bah.

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 10:29:03 GMT

I try but I never succeed. Is this story all too familiar? I knew I wasn't meant to be in this world. I should've sprouted wings and superbionic lungs for space travel. x_x I shall damn maths forever. I also regret being painfully inactive during high school. My scholarship application will be as blank as the resume I passed for the MEA block representative position.

OSY na lang muna ako.

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 08:54:32 GMT

You Are Comet

A total daredevil, you're the reindeer with an edge!

Why You're Naughty: You almost gave Santa a heart attack when you took him sky diving

Why You're Nice: You always make sure the sleigh is going warp speed

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

rant-rant lang.

Fri, 09 Dec 2005 15:22:45 GMT

Kanina ko lang talaga napagtantong wala akong lugar sa kursong inaaral ko ngayon. At naisip kong malamang-lamang na wala akong lugar sa kahit anong kursong aaralin ko. Dahil wala akong patutunguhan. Ganun lang naman yata talaga ang buhay. Yung iba, may katuturan ang buhay. Yung iba, importante sa mundo. At yung mga katulad ko, pwede nang itapon sa Payatas bukas.

Sa aking pagmumuni, hindi ko naiwasang amining hindi ko talaga ninais na maging parte ng mundo. Ngayong isinusuka na ako ng napiling mundo para sa akin, sa tingin ko'y lulutang na muna ako. Sa kawalang singlawak ng kalangitang walang hanggan, lulutang na muna ako.

Minsan nalilingon ako sa labas ng bintana, tumitingala sa langit at humihiling na mapakawalan na mula sa nakasusuyang siklo ng buhay: ang paulit-ulit na pagpapalit ng kasiyahan at kalungkutan. Kailanman ay hindi ko naintindihan kung bakit kinakailangang mangyaring muli ang nangyari na noon. Kaya nga sila nakakasawa, hindi ba?

Baka bukas sa aking pagbangon, Payatas na nga ang aking mamamalas. O madarama. Sa aking paglutang, rant-rant lang ang makabubuhay sa kin. Basura na kasi ang lahat.

Math Long Test XD

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 12:57:10 GMT

Everybody else had their first math long test today. As for our block, it's tomorrow. ^_^

Ang magaling naming guro ay inilipat ang araw ng aming pagsusulit. Hindi ko mawari kung ito'y maganda o hindi (but I'm leaning on bad). Pero sa aking pagsusuri, ano mang araw itakda ang pagsusulit, babagsak at babagsak ako sigurado. Hindi dahil bobo ako at hindi ko maintindihan ang leksyon ngunit dahil tamad ako at ayoko ng makakita pa ng kahit anong may kaugnayan sa matematika. *bow*

My dad was telling me about a scholarship sponsored by Singapore. I want to give it a try. I believe I want to transfer to another university by next year. I'm going to rot in Ateneo.

Sad but True

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 13:30:52 GMT

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

What Temperment Are You?

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 09:20:56 GMT

I spent the past two nights watching Angels in America. I was hoping to get ideas for my autobiography which is due on Monday... which I haven't written yet. Of course this paper will be crammed like all my other papers. I just wish I wasn't going to do it this sem. Especially that English 101 requires some creative writing, though reality-based. Anyway, back to Angels in America. I was enslaved by HBO for three straight hours for each night. But I must say, watching Meryl Streep take up characters like it was nothing did it for me. That woman is TALENTED.

So now I want to shift to another course again. Hee. I'm indecisive remember? I've been rewriting my calculus notes for the past nights, too. And I just don't think I'm being intellectually stimulated by epsilon and delta. Enter UP vs. Ateneo.

I don't think I made the right choice on this one. I mean, what was I thinking? UP was my dream school since the first time I've heard of it. And Ateneo was just the school for rich kids. Although I'm not exactly impoverished, I think I'd like the UP culture now. *sigh*

Now that I know of my utter hatred for higher math, I think I'd like to take up languages again. It's the only thing I've ever loved anyway. Or maybe not. ugh! Indecision is eternally wrestling me to the ground. I mean, I am comfortable at Ateneo. But I'm not exactly happy. I don't know if I'll be happy in UP. And I don't exactly know if studying languages is my calling. Bah. I'll know by next year, 1st sem. But why do I have to wait that long to know?

I should've rebelled against my parents and went to PMA and joined the air force. Since people tell me that I'm smart and all, and my doctor tells me that I handle pain like a stroll in the park, I'm sure the Philippine government would've been more than happy to send me to West Point. But then again, I'm a girl. And the armed forces are more than discriminate against girls. Plus, I would've probably given up on my dream of flying by the first time I take a beating from higher batches.

I just can't help but cringe at the sight of my calculus homework. Although I do understand the concepts better, I'm not enthralled by the fact that I get them. It's like I'm studying them and I try to survive the hellish course just so I can save face. And as much as I'd like to deny it, I simply can't hide that I'm doing this to make my father proud. Yes, I've tried to dismiss all his suggestions for the "right" course all my life. Yet I find myself in misery because in the end (or the beginning of the end), I took his advice, chose his decision over my mother's, and basically put an end to my then dilemma and started my present predicament.

I'll never be content until I find my true element. So far, all I know is I love achieving. Hence my current frustration. And my apparent hatred for mathematics. It mislead me! I thought I was good at it. But now I know I was never good at numbers at all. *sigh*

I never really liked going to school. But these days, I simply detest it.

Plus, from this day forward, I vow never to celebrate my own birthday. Surprise parties are highly encouraged though. XP But I'm never throwing a party ever again. Never gonna plan another one either. Celebrating life isn't exactly my thing these days. Tah.

High Pain Tolerance. Oh Yeah!

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 10:52:20 GMT

I am capable of being masochistic. :D As in cutting myself in various body parts, knocking out a tooth or maybe more, banging my head against the wall, and basically anything I can think of. I had my left big toenail removed a few moments ago. I feel a bit woozy because of that anti-tetanus shot the doctor gave me but otherwise, I'm okay.

We had a basketball game last Wednesday. Being that God probably wants me to stop aspiring to become an athlete (or at least a basketball player), I killed another toenail causing my whole big toe to be swollen for the next 2-3 days. By the second day though, I went to the doctor's. She prescribed me some meds and told me to come back on Monday (today) to see if she'll need to remove the nail or not.

As fate would have it, she had to pull the nail out due to excessive formation of a thick yellow liquid (a.k.a. pus) around the wound, underneath the now non-existent toenail.

She was surprised that unlike her previous patients with the same plight, I did not scream in pain or at least shed a tear. FYI: I've had orthodontic braces on, then had two wisdom teeth removed, had an enormous needle poked at my thyroid gland (that's a biopsy), and I've had to endure a 4-inch incision on my neck plus taste blood down my throat due to the preceding surgery. Getting a toenail pulled out is just one other thing on my list of supposedly painful experiences.

In less recent news, I had just celebrated my 18th birthday by indulging in food and sharing the gluttonous event with friends and family. Thus, I am slightly more overweight than ever and therefore doomed to be labeled as a pig come Wednesday during the physical fitness test for PE class. *bow*

I have also discovered that my apparent laziness may cause me to lead a life of starvation and homelessness in the filthy streets of Manila in the future. I badly need motivation. gah.